it’s all about him ♥

This is a re-post of an old post from another blog, posted on Valentine’s Day 2007. Just thought I’d post it again. :D

Last Friday, I was at the Mall of Asia with some old YFC friends, some sort of celebration for their week long activity. I met up with my best friend and her boyfriend on the way there from work. We met up with the others at Tokyo Tokyo, and since the three of us arrived together, we went to the counter to order all together, with me leaving enough distance for them to be a couple.

Now, of course I know they’d share a meal, so I didn’t meddle with their meal decisions. The waitress finished taking their order and went to me. Since I’m not with anyone, I couldn’t order a Sumo Meal (okay, maybe I can, only I just don’t want to look like a total pig, you know? :P), so I ordered the solo one. I asked her if it had drinks with it, and then she said, “Ay ma’am, mag-isa lang kayo?” (READ: Ma’am, you’re not with anyone?) I said yes, and she glanced at the couple in front and then back at me, a sympathetic expression flashing on her face, as if saying, “Kawawa naman kayo.” (READ: Too bad for you.)

Now what was that all about? Why am I on the receiving end of someone else’s sympathy just because I have no one to share my meal with, and ultimately, because I have no boyfriend to giggle with as I order food?

And how did she even know that I don’t have a boyfriend?!

Of course, I may have read her comment a bit too deep, but it sure got me thinking (yes, we just love things that make you think).

I’m twenty years old, turning twenty-one next month, and I’m a (proud) member of the NBSB Club. I’m also the founding member of the MAMS group, and for a short time, I was also a member of TIIS , and let’s not forget SMV and SMP , who I’ve been a member of ever single year since I was born. Let me repeat that: EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. That’s twenty years and counting.

It’s not that I’m totally repellent to guys…at least I don’t think so. I just happened to…have a hard time finding “the right one”, I guess. Let me prove it to you:

I am totally baring out my love life here, but I will be as discreet as I can so as to protect the privacy of the concerned guys. Names have been changed.

GUY # 1: The Unknown Singer
I heard him on this Christian tape my mom was playing at home, and his voice was just so heavenly, I asked God if I could marry that guy. I never knew how he looked like. I haven’t listened to the tape in years.

GUY # 2: “James” the Seatmate
I was seatmates with him early elementary. We were good friends, but because it was the epitome of “teasings” for the younger age, my classmates started teasing us together. We started avoiding each other, and we never talked again. I learned recently that he studied in the same school in college and I actually got to meet his girlfriend during a short GK project. What are the odds? We never got to talk again.

GUY # 3: “A” the first Crush
He was my first official crush. We were classmates, we became partners for the field trip, and then I listened to this priest who said, “If you have a crush on your seatmate, by all means, tell him!” I believed him, and told A, and things started becoming weird the next two years because I was being so…oh, I don’t know, flirty? Haha. Thing is, I started avoiding A and he started avoiding me, but I wanted him to pay attention to me so I gave him so many gifts that it’s crazy. He was the first boy I cried over because I gave him a heart pin for Valentine’s Day and he gave it to this girl he likes. :( Ouch. I got over him before elementary years ended, thank God.

GUY # 4: Nick Carter, the Backstreet Boy
Enough said.

GUY # 5: “Eduardo” the Ghostbuster
It was weird enough that Guy # 3 is my classmate when high school started, but I was over him already. A gay friend introduced me to this guy who apparently is his crush and I started to like him too. We fought over the guy, and made up…but the guy found out I liked him because another friend made me admit it over three way. Yes, it’s always someone who makes me admit things. Anyway, Eduardo and I were “friends” but we never got to know each other that well because he transferred schools after.

GUY # 6: “PCSL” the Phonepal
A friend gave us his number, we talked to him and fell totally in like with his voice on the phone. Met up with him and was terribly disappointed. Really. The lesson here is never fall for someone you just talked to on the phone. Thing is, when I got to meet him, Eduardo (Guy # 5), was there to “protect” us together with some other friends. Awww.

GUY # 7: “Jay” the YFC/Textmate/Whatever
Ironically, I “met” Jay through the gay friend I fought with over Guy # 5, and even more funny is that I “met” Jay through the phone. Two years later, I finally met the guy through a YFC conference, but only because I remembered his name and I saw it on his ID. I called him again and we became…er…friends, I guess? We became textmates, and phone friends…and we were close. At least, I thought so. Then he stopped calling, stopped texting…and I wondered if he ever did like me during those times. Eventually I figured out that maybe he did, but not as serious as I did. I can still remember most of his text messages — total mush.

GUY # 8: “Nognog” the Butterfly Breeder
Now he is probably the most interesting one. He was mentioned in passing to me by a friend, met him through a friend, liked him but thought of him as a friend, he told me he liked my friend and another friend admitted she liked him. And what was I? Another friend, I guess? He sure didn’t show it like I thought he did, and he gave me serious butterflies in the stomach. Things turned complicated, and even if he has vices which I totally didn’t want in any guy, I still liked him. But because I didn’t want to be hurt, I avoided him and he avoided me and everything fell apart…and everything went even more out of control when I told about how I feel to almost half of the batch and then admitted my feelings to him when we were at a party together. Very colorful story, really.

GUY # 9: “Penshoppe” the guy in between
I was in the middle of liking Guy #8 when I met Penshoppe. He was nice, funny and a real gentleman…thing is, he liked this other girl in the batch, and he told me about her over and over again. I was the good friend, of course, and I never really expected that he’d like me. We became good friends, but unfortunately, someone accidentally slipped that I had a crush on him. He avoided me for a while, but then we became good friends after.

GUY # 10: “Isaac” the Offering
Now after all the hurt and melancholy and depression I felt during the period with Guy # 8, I really didn’t want anything after that. I met someone through a school activity, and for some reason my friends started an issue about him and me, and I realized I actually do like him. But since I was afraid of me getting hurt again, I prayed. This was the first time I prayed hard about my relationship (whatever it may be) with a guy. Some sort of detail can be read here. It was a struggle for me to let go of him and give room for our friendship to grow, and I was often disappointed by his forgetfulness and childishness until something happened that turned me off. I stopped liking him and we are now friends. Oh yeah, another thing: he never knew I liked him that way. At least, I don’t think so. That’s an achievement. ;)

GUY # 11: “Test”, the taken guy
I was well satisfied about not having any love life crushes, but I was open to the idea of getting to know new guys, in case I finally meet The One somewhere out there. I got introduced to this guy at work, who I thought was really, really nice. I started being all giggly all around him and on the third day of us knowing each other, I “stalked” him on Friendster and discovered that he was already In A Relationship. There goes a piece of my heart. I was sad on one day about that, then realized I was being such an immature girl by expecting Test to be The One when I only knew him for less than a week. On the last day of us working together, I struggled to get into my head: boys are friends and brothers, not prospects.

My love life — or lack of it — is often one of the “colorful” aspects of my life that I often talk to my friends with. Yes, it may have caused a lot of tears and wailing and whatnot…but come to think of it, I have been without a boyfriend for my entire life and I still have fun. In fact, now that I think of it, there are a lot of times I didn’t mind not having a guy because I can be “selfish” with my money — no need to save money for monthsaries, anniversaries and surprise gifts. And the fact that I have the time to myself: I don’t have to tell someone always where I am (except for my mom), I have more than enough time to spend with my friends, my family and more time to delve into other hobbies, go on trips and meet new people!

Of course…there are times when I feel like I am lacking something, especially when I look around and see people turning mushy around me on days like today, Valentine’s Day. I know the feeling: the little ache in your heart that you try to ignore, but as you go through your day, it becomes harder not to think about. Those rainy nights accompanied by sad music and you looking out your window wondering why that night felt colder than the usual. I’ve felt the disappointment where you thought the guy you liked also feels the same way, but turns out he doesn’t…or wishing so hard that a special someone would remember you on Valentine’s Day and give you something, anything. There are times when I look at my best friend and her boyfriend and wonder: When will I get a boyfriend? When will I finally meet The One? Will I even be one or am I doomed to become single forever?

And then a tiny little whisper comes into my heart, telling me that even if I do not have a boyfriend, even if there’s no monthsaries or anniversaries to save for, or someone to go out on dates with, Someone is still very much in love with me. And He wants me to open up my life with experiences that I might not be able to enjoy as much when I get into a serious relationship. He wants me to live an uncomplicated life, one where I am free to serve and love Him with all I am (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). He wants me to see that being single is not a curse, not just a period of waiting for The One, but a time where I can have some of the best adventures of my life. The “perfect” guy will come in His time. For now, He wants me to love Him, enjoy, grow and live the life that He has given me and be the woman that He has created me to be. And who knows, maybe sometime in the near future, He’ll fix things in such a way that I’ll get to meet The One while I enjoyed my singlehood.

Now that would be just great, don’t you think? Exciting, even.

Are you single like me this Valentine’s Day? Don’t fret! It’s another year to discover something new about yourself, and to revel in the overflowing love that God can only give. :) This Valentine’s Day, let’s think of singlehood as a blessing, a start of a new adventure that will only come to your life once. :D It’s about time, don’t you think?

Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥